


Filling The Void

by eleanor_lavish, thepsychicclam



Series: Valiant Effort [24]
Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-18
Updated: 2009-07-18
Packaged: 2017-11-28 03:47:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/669924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleanor_lavish/pseuds/eleanor_lavish, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepsychicclam/pseuds/thepsychicclam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written by Clammy.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Filling The Void

**Author's Note:**

> Written by Clammy.

Ian’s was packed. If they would have had three more bartenders it still wouldn’t have been enough. And Elijah was exhausted. Long nights at the bar followed by long days practicing with the band in between classes and studying was taking its toll on him. Plus he didn’t really eat or sleep anymore.

Elijah existed in a big daze of automatic actions. Get up, go to school, write a paper, practice with the band or play a gig, go to work, fuck random guys. It was the exact same thing every day. He wasn’t hungry, he wasn’t sleepy, he just _was_. It made everything just a bit easier.

The night was a whir all around him. Shots, beers, and shouts back and forth with Karl melded together until he was giving drinks to the wrong people and pissing them off. When the crowd finally thinned around two a.m., Elijah slid down the back wall and rested his forehead on his knees.

“Kill me now, Karl. Death would look like a fucking picnic after tonight.” Elijah dropped his hand to the floor and brought it back up covered in beer. “Fuck.”

“Elijah, someone’s here to see you,” Karl said, kicking his foot softly.

“Tell them I died. They can send flowers to Valiant Effort in honor of the Elijah Wood memorial fund.”

“For someone dead, you sure are snarky tonight.” Elijah looked up to see David leaning over the bar grinning at him. He laughed weakly and grabbed onto the counter to drag himself up.

“Welcome to hell. I’m Elijah Wood, gatekeeper,” Elijah said dryly. He leaned against the counter, propping himself up on his elbows. “What brings you here tonight? This isn’t exactly your side of town.”

“Oh, bored, thought I’d come here when you weren’t playing a concert to see what it was like.”

“Want a beer or something? On the house.” David nodded and Elijah grabbed three glasses, filling each one to the top. He slid one down to Karl and handed another to David. He lifted his own to his lips and chugged greedily.

“Aren’t you a little young to be drinking?” David teased.

“No one here gives a damn how old I am. Besides, bars closed. No one to see.” Elijah finished his beer and placed the glass with the stack of other empty beer glasses. “Seriously, what’re you doing here? Not that I mind or it’s not nice to see…I mean. Fuck. David, have you met Karl?” Elijah turned to Karl and could feel the color rising in his cheeks. A hand descended onto his shoulder and Elijah turned around, Ian standing behind him.

“Can I talk to you for a second, Elijah?” Ian asked, leaving no room for argument. He turned and walked into the back room just behind the bar, Elijah following. Ian leaned against his desk, his long legs and arms crossed in front of him.

“Ian, I’m sorry I fucked up all those orders. It was just swamped and there were only two of us, and Dom couldn’t get his lazy fucking ass out from behind the desk for two hours to help us and – “

“Elijah, slow down!” Ian said, hands up in a halting motion. “Sit down. You’ve been on your feet all night.”

Elijah sat in the worn armchair in front of Ian’s desk. He stared at Ian expectantly, waiting for the worst.

“I’m worried about you.”

Elijah blinked, confused. “Excuse me?”

“Elijah, I’m old, but I’m not bloody blind. You look like shit. You’re paler than usual, and how that happened I’d like to know, you’re losing weight, your eyes are hollow. I’m worried about you.” Ian gave Elijah the kindest look he’d had in months and made him think that maybe things just may be all right. Elijah _almost_ believed it.

“I’m just really busy with work, school, and the band. School’ll be out in a few weeks, then I’ll have a lot more time.” Elijah nodded his head for emphasis.

“It’s not that Elijah, and if you believe that, you’re lying to yourself. Listen to me. You’re a gorgeous boy, everyone who comes to the bar can see it. Go find you a nice bloke and be happy. You could start with the guy sitting at the bar.”

“David?” Elijah squeaked. “But he’s the producer on our record.”

“I don’t think he came all the way out here at two in the morning to talk about your CD. He came for you.”

“How do you know that?”

“Cause he’s been glancing at the door every few seconds since you walked in here.” Elijah turned around to see David’s eyes dart towards the door and back to his beer glass. “Listen to me.” Elijah turned back around, Ian’s eyes boring down into him. “Take some time off of work. You work too hard. Go out, have fun. Get some _rest_.”

“But I can’t!” Elijah argued, feeling like a little kid with Ian towering above him. “If I don’t work, we don’t eat and have no money for the water bill.”

“Stupid boy!” Ian boomed. “If you need anything, pick up the phone and call me. I’d have thought that after a year you’d know I’m not going to let you and the boys go without anything. When you become famous, people will flock to the bar to see where the great Valiant Effort started. It’s the least I can do for all the publicity.” Ian winked at Elijah and laughed.

Elijah jumped out of his seat and threw his arms around Ian. “Thank you so much,” he whispered, holding on to Ian, trying to draw some of his strength. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had offered him any kind of support, and Elijah wanted to stay in Ian’s embrace forever, safe, protected, feeling like he wasn’t alone in the world. Ian patted Elijah softly on the back.

“Remember Elijah, you’re worth more than he gives you. He doesn’t deserve you,” Ian murmured against Elijah’s hair. Elijah raised his head and stared at Ian, but he just jerked his head towards the door. “Don’t keep David waiting.”

Elijah walked out of the office, most of the lights out in the bar. Elijah thought it looked so lonely after hours, the trash scattered across the bare floor, chairs upside down on the tables, every sound echoing off the hollow walls. He grabbed his jacket and stepped around the counter, stopping in front of David.

“Shall we?” Elijah led the way out of the bar, not bothering to lock the door since there was no telling how long Ian would stay inside. Elijah stuffed his hands in his pockets and cleared his throat.

“You don’t have to be uncomfortable, Elijah,” David said. Elijah nodded and kept staring at his feet. “I was actually wondering if, well, you’d like to go to this CD release party with me tomorrow night. It’s a small band with a small party, but I’d really like it if you went with me.”

Elijah turned his head to look at David, his unfaltering gaze fixed upon Elijah. Elijah sprung towards him, knocking him back against the brick wall and attacking his mouth. David kissed back hungrily, but stilled Elijah’s hand as it started to unbuckle his belt.

“What are you doing?” David took Elijah’s hand in his own.

“Well, don’t you want to fuck? Everyone always wants to fuck me.” Elijah kissed David again, but he pushed him back.

“Thought had crossed my mind, but not tonight. Or even tomorrow. I like you, Elijah. I like you a lot. I’d like to do more than fuck you.”

Elijah stepped back, studying David carefully. “Really?” Elijah hadn’t been on a date since, well, he’d left his ex-girlfriend, Melanie, in Iowa last summer. All he ever did was meet a guy, fuck them, and then go home, unless it was the rare occasion when he and Dom sat around in each other’s arms, watching a movie with fuzzy reception while Orlando or Billy swore at the rabbit ears. Even that didn’t happen anymore. And the only people Elijah ever talked to were the band, sometimes Karl during slow shifts, and Hannah and his mom occasionally.

David laughed softly. “Yes! Not every guy is after sex. Some of us like to talk and go out occasionally.”

“Well, fuck me. Or don’t.” Elijah giggled and started walking back towards the subway, feeling slightly better.

*

Elijah counted the change in his pocket as he passed the small corner store a block away from the apartment. He unfortunately didn’t have enough for a soda, spent it all instead on subway fare from the restaurant uptown where he’d met David for dinner. Going to dinner with David almost every night was nice; David paid and it gave him a decent meal. But he spent all his extra cash on the subway to and from the restaurants because there was no way David would eat at any of the little joints near Elijah’s apartment. They’d only been dating a little over a month, and there was no way in hell Elijah was going to ask for transportation money. The best nights were the ones when Elijah spent the night and David would drop him off near his apartment on his way to work. On those days Elijah always had extra change for a Coke.

Elijah panted as he ascended the last few steps to the apartment. The first thing he was going to do when he got rich and famous was move to a one-story house where he didn’t have to climb seven fucking flights of stairs just to get to the front door. Okay, maybe the first thing he’d do is fix the fucking latch that wouldn’t really catch. It’s a good thing none of them owned anything valuable, and the few things they did were locked safely in Sean or Viggo’s apartments. The door was slightly ajar, and Elijah could smell the pot smoke wafting from the room.

Elijah pushed the door open, kicking it shut behind him. It didn’t close. Orlando was stretched out on the couch, remote clicking from station to station absently. Dom sat on the floor, back against the couch, arms resting on his bent knees, joint hanging from his lips.

“Hey guys,” Elijah said, tossing his jacket on the back of a rusty, broken kitchen chair and kicking his shoes under the fish tank.

“I really wish you wouldn’t kick your shoes into my fish tank,” Dom said to Elijah’s back as he disappeared into the kitchen. He reappeared with a Dr. Pepper can and plopped into the empty armchair.

“I’m not going to hurt your fucking fish tank, Dom. I’m not a damn kid.” Elijah pulled his legs underneath him as he opened his can and glared at Dom, who was inhaling the rest of his joint from newly purchased roach clips.

“For God’s sake, do I have to listen to you two fight about the goddamn fish tank _again_?” Orlando yelled. “If it’s not the bloody fish tank, it’s the bar or money or who the fuck drank the last beer. Two fucking arses.” Orlando swung his legs to the floor and threw the remote on the couch in annoyance. He walked to the small table that served as a makeshift dining room table and grabbed a cigarette out of a crunched pack. Elijah turned back to the television.

“Did you have fun fucking the producer? Oh, I mean did you have fun on your date?” Dom asked sarcastically. Elijah cut his eyes to him and was met with a cheeky grin.

“Fuck you. David’s a nice guy. Besides, who I fuck and who I don’t is none of your damn business,” Elijah seethed. He brought the can to his lips hastily in an attempt to keep himself from saying anything he’d regret later.

“I guess not. But Elijah, he’s twice your age. Though I guess some of us would have to fuck our way to the top. We all can’t have raw talent.” Dom set his jaw and gazed steadily at Elijah. Elijah could feel his reserve slipping slowly away. _Breath, just breathe._

“Does it bother you to see me happy for once? Or maybe some of us just like to be more than some rich snot’s bitch boy,” Elijah countered. He saw Dom’s eyes flare as he jumped from the floor.

“Don’t you fucking bring Miranda into this,” Dom shouted, fingers waving in front of Elijah’s face. Elijah grinned at having gotten so far under Dom’s skin.

“Don’t like it that we all know she’s got you pussy-whipped? Imagine that -- Dom, fucking whipped by a _woman_.” Elijah pressed back into the chair as Dom leapt at him, fingers digging into the arms of the chair. Dom was furious, eyes near slits and a dark, stormy grey, his ears turning bright pink, lips parted as his breath came heavily and quickly. And all Elijah could do was stare at his lips, the closest they’d been to him in months.

“Fucking lay off him, Dom,” Orlando growled.

And in a flash, Dom was gone, but Elijah could still feel his shadow weighing down on him. But he didn’t have time to think about that, because Dom was now face to face with Orlando, Orlando a few inches above him and glaring down.

“Oh, I forgot. You both know what it’s like fucking your way to the top,” Dom spat. Orlando grabbed Dom’s shirt in his fist and yanked him close.

“Why do you always give Elijah shit? He puts up with enough from you without having you harping on him all the time. His life is none of your fucking concern. You made it clear you didn’t want to be a part of it.” Orlando let Dom go violently, causing him to stumble back a few steps. He regained his footing and squared his shoulders.

“That’s right. Always fucking taking up for Elijah, like he’s a fucking kid who can’t fight his own battles. You’re right. Elijah’s just a fucking little pussy asshole who never should have been let into the band in the first place.”

Elijah couldn’t believe his ears. The words couldn’t possibly be coming out of Dom’s mouth. Because Dom didn’t really think all that…did he?

“A bloody mistake both in – “ Dom was cut off by Orlando’s fist against his jaw. Dom’s head swirled to the side, a spray of blood squirting from his mouth.

Elijah stared wide-eyed at the scene. Dom charged at Orlando, knocking him back onto his back as his fists pounded against Orlando’s face. Orlando beat at Dom’s sides, finally rolling him over and straddling him as his fists struck Dom. Finally, Elijah shook his initial shock and stood up, racing towards the fighting duo.

“STOP!” Elijah bellowed over Dom and Orlando’s curses. “Fucking stop, fuck! Stop it, you assholes!” Elijah grabbed Orlando by the shoulders and tried to pull him off of Dom, but Orlando swung a fist behind him and knocked Elijah to the floor. He landed on his ass and felt a brief pain before realization finally hit him.

“STOP!” Elijah screamed as loud as he could. Orlando and Dom stopped mid-swing and stared at him, blood pouring from noses and busted lips. A neighbor beat on the wall from next door. Elijah got up and crossed to the wall and kicked it with his feet, screaming all the while.

“We’ll shut up when we damn well fucking feel like it!” Elijah screamed, banging his fists against the wall. He continued beating the wall, not sure he could ever stop the fury, pain, frustration, and confusion coursing through his body. Someone pulled him from the wall, but he didn’t look up as he beat instead against their chest until he had no strength left and fell into their arms, sobs wracking his body. Elijah buried his face into their shoulder and took a few breaths. He’d know that smell anywhere. _Dom_.

His fingers dug into Dom’s shirt as he gripped for dear life – for sanity, for _something_. Dom’s hand rested lightly at the base of his neck, fingers rubbing circles against his skin. He couldn’t keep doing this, whatever it was. Is this what he came to New York for? A broken heart, a broken spirit among a broken group of people he loved? He wanted it all back, what he had, _they_ had, but somehow he knew it would never happen.

Orlando’s large hand pressed gently against his back and Elijah looked up, eyes blurry from falling tears. Dom brushed damp strands of stray hair from his eyes and sniffed, the blood drying underneath his swelling nose. Elijah glanced over his shoulder at Orlando, in similar poor shape, and broke from both their arms. Dom reached out and grabbed his hand, but Elijah turned towards him, trying desperately not to look him in the face, _to avoid his eyes_ , and wrenched his hand free from Dom’s grasp.

He stormed into the bedroom and slammed the door behind him.

*

Elijah didn’t know how long he had been lying on the bed. He had cried, dozed, planned his suicide, decided he wasn’t the suicidal type, came up with an excuse to move back to Iowa, and finally realized he had no clue what to do. He was lost. And scared. No, terrified. He was terrified.

The entire band was falling apart in front of his eyes. Had been for months. Yeah, they were playing gigs around New York, working towards a very promising music career. But they didn’t talk, hang out, _get along_. Elijah had tried to ignore it at first, pretended it wasn’t there. He wanted it to work. Billy, Orlando, Dom, Sean, and Viggo were his family. Even on his worst day, being around them comforted him. But they could barely be in the same room with each other now. And it was really starting to get to Elijah.

Elijah stared at the ceiling for a while longer, trying to think about anything but what was going on around him. Eventually he rolled off the mattress, got up from the floor, and went into the living room.

Billy sat on the couch with Orlando, talking quietly and placing gauze over a few of Orlando’s cuts. They both looked at him when he entered and went silent.

“You don’t have to stop talking about me. I don’t care,” Elijah said, crossing the room. He grabbed his jacket from under the fish tank.

“How are you doing?” Billy asked.

“Where’s Dom?” Elijah asked, avoiding the question. He shrugged his jacket on.

“He went to Miranda’s,” Billy answered. Elijah opened the apartment door. “Where are you going?”

“Dunno.”

Elijah closed the door behind him and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He had no clue where he was going. He had no direction, no plan, nothing. He wanted to disappear in the mass of people in the city for awhile, become one of the crowd so that maybe he could just stop being Elijah for a few hours.

But ambling around the city and its subways gave him no peace. He was preoccupied with his thoughts and suddenly felt this urgent compulsion to _talk_. He didn’t want to go back to the apartment. He wanted to talk to someone on the outside, someone who could give him perspective.

That’s how he ended up pounding incessantly at Viggo’s door. Viggo opened it, and Elijah could see Sean behind him carrying Ali around as she cried.

“Elijah! This is a surprise. Come in!” Viggo said, stepping aside so Elijah could walk into the apartment. Sean looked up from Ali and smiled weakly.

“Hey, Lij. You came just in time for the middle of the night grouchies! Isn’t that right, sweetheart?” Sean dropped a soft kiss on Ali’s head. “What’re you doing here? It’s like one a.m.”

“Was in the neighborhood, that’s all. But I see you’re busy. I’ll just be going.” Elijah turned and opened the door.

“No! You can stay, really,” Sean said. Viggo nodded in agreement. Elijah looked at them, both happy and in perfect domestic bliss. He suddenly envied them.

“Nah. Good night.”

Elijah thought about dropping by the bar to talk to Ian, but he didn’t want to chance seeing Dom there. He ran through his short list of people he could go to, and in an act of desperation, got on the subway and ended up at the door of the last person he would’ve thought.

“Elijah!” Liv said, grabbing his arm and pulling him inside her apartment. “What are you doing here? I didn’t know you knew where I lived!”

“I came with Orlando once, remember? You two started fucking in the kitchen and I left.” Elijah walked to the couch, littered with clothes, and pushed a pile to the floor as he sat down. “I just. I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.”

“Honey, that’s fine! You look like shit. We need beer.” Liv disappeared for a few moments into the kitchen and returned with two bottles of Corona. She gathered up clothes on the couch and tossed them onto the floor, sitting beside Elijah and handing him his beer. Propping her arm on the back of the couch, she cocked her head and studied him carefully. “What’s wrong?”

“Everything.” Elijah took a long sip of his beer and lowered the bottle between his knees. He took a deep breath and started rambling to her, telling her everything on his mind, even things he didn’t realize. He told her about Dom, the band, Billy and Orlando, the fight, his parents, school, how he liked to play baseball but never was any good at it. She listened without interruption, her dark eyes wide and understanding as her long fingers curled around a few loose strands of her hair. Elijah trusted her, somehow knew she wouldn’t judge him or think he was stupid and petty. And somewhere in the back of his mind, she reminded him of his mom or sister, a maternal figure that he could trust and look to for comfort.

When he was done, she reached behind her and grabbed a few tissues from a colorful box and handed them to him. He dabbed at his eyes and waited for her to say something. She didn’t for a while, just watched him with a sympathetic smile gracing her lips. Finally she set her empty bottle on the coffee table covered in beauty care products, empty coffee cups, and pizza boxes, and pulled him to her.

“Oh, this is fucked up. I have no words of wisdom.” She smiled at the disappointment that crossed Elijah’s face. “Honey, it’s life. Things happen. You just have to deal with them as they come. Dom just doesn’t think most of the time. I don’t think he means to hurt people, he just does whatever whenever. He’s always been like that.” Liv laid back and stretched her legs out onto the couch. She pulled Elijah down and he lay beside her, placing his head on her shoulder. “You know, bands break up all the time. Some people just can’t handle everything that comes along with it. Valiant Effort may break under the pressure. But I’ve seen them go through tougher times than this. If they can make it through Stuart Townsend, without a record contract and no hope for one ever and most importantly without you, you all can make it through a few bumps with a deal and a CD.” Elijah nodded against her chest, her fuzzy shirt tickling his cheek. “Whatever happens, Elijah, you’ll be okay. You’re not weak like you think you are. Now, just lay here and don’t think about it. Sleep. And I’ll stay with you, okay?”

“Okay.” Elijah lifted up and kissed Liv softly. He looked down at her and smiled, noticed how pretty and soft she was. He knew if he liked girls, he’d want one who looked just like her. “Thank you, for all this I mean. I know you don’t know me as well as Dom and them – “

“It doesn’t matter. You’re part of them, which means you’re part of me. Now, sleep and don’t think about it.” Liv grabbed the blanket draped over the back of the couch and spread it over their bodies. Elijah snuggled closer to her and finally relaxed, all the tension leaving his body. Within moments he was asleep.

*

David grabbed Elijah’s hand and squeezed it. “What’s wrong? You haven’t said two words through dinner.” Elijah tore his eyes from a couple a few tables over and looked at David. Concern was written all over his face and he scratched his chin awkwardly. “Come on, you haven’t been yourself tonight.”

“Just a lot on my mind. Don’t really want to talk about it.” Elijah pulled his hand away and picked up his fork, pushing pasta around in his bowl. “I’m sorry I’m a lousy date.”

“You’re not a lousy date! I’m just worried, that’s all. I care about you and don’t like it when you’re upset.” David picked up Elijah’s hand again and brushed his lips across his knuckles briefly.

Elijah looked up suddenly. “Can we go dancing? I really want to go to a club.”

“Sure, whatever you want.”

“Good, let’s go.” Elijah stood up, grabbing his jacket from his chair.

“You’ve just barely touched your meal!”

“Not hungry. Come on.” Elijah walked out of the restaurant and pulled a cigarette from his jacket pocket as he waited. David joined him a few minutes later. Elijah tossed his cigarette to the littered sidewalk and crushed it out with the sole of his beat up Converse. David took Elijah’s hand as he hailed a cab.

The moment Elijah stepped into the club, he felt better. The music pounding loud in his ears and under his feet, the crowd of faceless people, the bar stocked full of alcohol for him to get trashed on. He leaned over and yelled in David’s ear, “Get me a drink?”

David went over to the bar and returned with two glasses. Elijah knocked his back before David could even take a sip. Elijah grabbed David’s hand and led him to the dance floor, immediately attaching his hips to David’s. He pressed his body against David, standing on his toes and kissing him roughly. David eagerly responded, though caught off guard by Elijah’s fervor. Elijah wanted contact, wanted to feel David, wanted to _fuck_ him. It had been too long since the last time they had fucked, and Elijah was itching for it.

Elijah opened his eyes, and standing in his line of vision at one of the bars was Dom. Elijah pulled his mouth away from David’s and watched Dom over his shoulder. He was making a sale, pocketing money and discretely handing something over to a man. Elijah whispered something to David and left him on the dance floor. He walked up to Dom, squeezing in beside him at the crowded bar.

“I want something,” Elijah said, leaning close to Dom’s ear.

“I don’t sell drugs to my friends,” Dom answered, pulling away and shaking his head at Elijah.

Elijah, extremely annoyed, laid his hand lightly on Dom’s shoulder and leaned into him again. “Fine, I’ll buy from someone else.”

Elijah left, but Dom grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the bathroom. They went into the last stall and closed the door behind them.

“I thought you weren’t going to sell it to me,” Elijah said, back against the concrete wall. Dom pulled a bag out of his pocket and dropped two pills into the palm of his hand.

“I’m not selling it to you. And I don’t trust you getting drugs from anyone else. I know this is good.” Dom handed one small pill to Elijah.

“What is it?” Elijah asked, taking the pill from Dom’s fingers.

“Ecstasy.” Dom popped the pill into this mouth, Elijah doing the same. Elijah swallowed and waited for it to kick in. Usually didn’t take very long.

“I thought you didn’t take your own drugs. Only smoked pot with a few things on the side occasionally.”

“This is an occasionally,” Dom said. He wrapped an arm around Elijah’s neck, pulled him closer. “I don’t do X nearly enough.”

“I heard that if you have sex while on X, it’ll never be the same again.” Elijah rested his forehead against Dom’s, rolling his head from side to side. “Know how much that would suck?”

“Yeah. That’s why I don’t have sex on any substance except weed or alcohol. Though they say the sex is great while you’re rolling.” Dom lifted his hand to Elijah’s cheek and rubbed his thumb against it softly.

“I think I’ll take my chances with real sex. Sober sex. Whatever.” Elijah moved his head to the side, his nose brushing against Dom’s.

“I think someone is already getting fucked up,” Dom sing-songed. Elijah could see a smile crinkling the corners of Dom’s eyes.

“You don’t seem the soberest person in this stall.” Elijah giggled then, pressing his palm flat against Dom’s chest for support. The giggles finally subsided and Elijah curled his fingers into Dom’s shirt.

“You have the best giggle,” Dom said, trailing his thumb across Elijah’s bottom lip.

“I hate it,” Elijah whispered. Every touch of Dom’s felt like heaven, his thumb against his lip, arm around his neck, forehead against his own, knee bumping against his leg. Elijah didn’t care if he ever moved from that spot.

“I need to go,” Dom finally said. Neither moved but continued standing there, faces close and hands on each other.

“What’s the hurry?”

“Need to sell some more shit before the night is over. Besides, you need to get back to your boyfriend.” Dom pulled away slowly, Elijah reluctant to let go. Elijah finally dropped his hands as Dom released the lock on the door.

David was at the bar, empty glass in front of him. Elijah slid his arms around David’s waist and licked his tongue along the shell of his ear.

“Hey there sexy,” Elijah purred, fingers stroking David’s cock through his trousers. “Let’s go somewhere more private.” He tugged David towards him, David standing from the stool and following Elijah through the crowd. The room was alive with sounds and colors and people, all permeating Elijah and filling the void within, making him feel whole, even if only for a moment.

Elijah turned and stared at David, lost. “Where should we go?” he asked, leaning close to David and rubbing his nipples through his shirt. David kissed Elijah quickly and grabbed his hand. He led the way to a bathroom on the second floor. It was mostly empty, a few other couples sneaking away for a quick fuck in the small stalls. David shoved Elijah into an empty stall and slammed the door behind him, locking it swiftly.

David dropped to his knees as he pushed Elijah against the wall. Elijah let his eyes drift shut as David’s fingers deftly unbuttoned his trousers and yanked them open.

“Oh fuck, Elijah,” David groaned, freeing Elijah’s cock. “No underwear. Fucking sexy.” David stuck his tongue out and flicked the tip of Elijah’s cock, tonguing the slit lightly. Elijah’s fingers scratched against the rough wall, searching for some kind of hold. His palms pressed flat against the surface, wet and sliding down slowly. David licked down the underside of Elijah’s shaft and sucked one of his balls into his mouth.

“Fucking tease,” Elijah growled, hands moving to David’s hair. Elijah’s mind was whirling around him, making him feel like he was there in the stall, but also on stage, on the subway, sitting in class. It was disorienting, and Elijah had to open his eyes to make sure David really was sucking his cock.

He closed his eyes again, mind wandering away from David to earlier in the night, his body pressed close against Dom in another bathroom stall, breath against his lips with Dom’s skin underneath his fingertips. Elijah groaned, could still feel Dom against his hands. His body started to tense, David’s mouth working faster and harder around him. Elijah gripped his hair, bucking roughly.

“Oh Dom,” he moaned as he came, Dom’s fingertips ghosts across his lips. He slumped against the wall, spent. David stood up and gripped Elijah’s shoulders with both his hands.

“Did you just call out _Dom’s_ name?” David asked. Elijah stared at David through half-lidded eyes, confused. It was Dom touching him, not David, but David was the one in front of him. Elijah shook his head, trying to get a grip on reality for a moment.

“I’m really fucked up. Dom and I took X earlier and I’m really fucked up.” Elijah rubbed his eyes harshly in an attempt to clear his vision.

“I should’ve known.” Elijah heard David’s voice like an echo far away, and he reached out to see if he could touch him. His fingers brushed David’s shoulder. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

Elijah slumped against David as he led him out of the club. On the way home, Elijah watched everything in awe.

Everywhere he looked he saw Dom.

*

He was in a bed. There was someone in said bed. The bed was not his. The last thing he remembered? Of course, going into the stall with Dom and taking some drug. Mornings like this was exactly why Elijah preferred not to do drugs.

The body beside him stirred and Elijah opened one eye, but couldn’t see a damn thing since his contacts were still in from last night. He was definitely going to be paying for that one all day. He sat up and blinked repeatedly. The room slowly came into a fuzzy focus, and David watched him from the other side of the bed, hands folded on his chest.

This couldn’t be good.

“What happened last night?” Elijah croaked, throat dry. He found a glass of water sitting on the nightstand and gulped it down. “I don’t remember anything but feel like shit.”

“Good.” Elijah stared in confusion at David, who shook his head. “You don’t remember do you?”

“No, but whatever it was, I’m really sorry?” Elijah offered weakly. David sat up as Elijah searched around for his cigarettes. “Where’re my cigarettes?”

“Pants pocket on the floor.”

Elijah picked his jeans up from the floor and grabbed his cloves and lighter. He lit one with a shaky hand and greedily inhaled. At least that made him feel moderately better. “What did I do?”

“You called out Dom’s name when you came,” David said, voice even. Too even. Elijah slowly looked at him out of the corner of his eye. Hurt was written all over his face. Add guilt and shame to the normal morning after shitties.

“Fuck. David, I, I can explain. I mean, there is nothing – “ David held up a hand to stop him.

“You don’t have to explain. I should have seen it sooner. And if that wasn’t a hint, you repeated his name over and over on our way home.”

“Double fuck.” Elijah put out his cigarette and immediately lit another. “There really is nothing going on between Dom and me. I love him, he doesn’t love me, end of story. No need me sitting around dwelling on it.”

“But you are, Elijah,” David said. “You’re still madly in love with him, and until you get over that, you can’t be with anyone. And I can’t be with you.”

“But!” Elijah exclaimed, spinning around on the bed to face David. “I don’t want to break up with you.”

“Listen, I don’t want to be your replacement because you can’t have him. It’s not fair to either of us.” David patted Elijah’s bare knee softly. “It’s okay. I know you didn’t do any of this to hurt me. Just how life goes sometimes.”

“Can we still be friends?” Elijah asked. He felt awful. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt anyone, especially David. He really did care for David, but it was obviously just too soon. And if Elijah was honest with himself, part of him dated David only because it irritated Dom so much. But he was kind of disappointed. In parallel life without Dom, David would have been perfect for him.

“I’d really like that, Elijah. I’d like that a lot.”

*

Viggo handed Elijah the pair of dice and got up from the couch. “Want anything while I’m up?” he asked walking into the kitchen. Elijah tossed the dice across the Monopoly board and moved the thimble seven spaces.

“Another beer, please?” Sean asked.

“Me too,” Elijah called as he finished moving his piece. It landed right on Pennsylvania Avenue. With a hotel. “Fuck!”

“You just got a lot of money! You better get back in here,” Sean said as Elijah started counting out the money he owed Viggo. He was left with three hundred dollars. Might as well be bankrupt in this game.

Elijah laid the money in front of Viggo’s property while Viggo put the beers on the table beside the game board. Viggo picked up the money and grinned widely. He leaned over and gave Sean a big kiss on the lips.

“What was that for?” Sean asked, scooting even closer to Viggo. Elijah watched them interact, happy, loving, comfortable. He loved watching them, glad to see two people together who made love look like it wasn’t just a myth Hollywood made up to make billions on romantic comedies. Elijah always hated Meg Ryan movies anyway.

“He’s staring again,” Viggo said quietly into Sean’s ear. He grinned at Elijah, who immediately felt his cheeks burning.

“I’m sorry, guys. It’s just that you two give me hope. That’s all.” Elijah pushed the dice across the board to Sean.

“In a few days, you won’t even think about David and what happened the other night. At least you’re still friends. He wants to go to the Strokes concert with you next week,” Sean said. He picked up the dice and tossed them.

“And until then, there’s always getting drunk until you pass out on our couch,” Viggo said, lifting up his beer. Elijah picked his up and clinked the bottles together.

“To playing Monopoly at midnight with my friends! To running away from your problems. Oh, and don’t forget drowning them in Bass Ale.” Elijah turned the bottle up and chugged.

“You have to go back to the apartment eventually,” Sean said quietly. “You can’t hide here forever.”

“I know. And I promise, I’ll go back to working at the bar and living in the apartment and be completely out of your hair soon. I do appreciate you letting me stay here, though. I know you’ve got your hands full with Ali and all.” Elijah picked up his properties, reorganized them, and laid them back down.

“Honestly, you’re like a godsend. Viggo and I have finally gotten not only a few hours of sleep, but a few moments of free time since we’ve taken Ali. Not that I mind having her, but Christine’s week has turned into almost two months.” Sean sighed and gave Viggo two hundred dollars from the bank.

“You make a great dad, though,” Elijah said, taking the dice from Viggo. “Didn’t think you had it in you.”

“Shut up. I couldn’t have done it without Viggo.”

“I did nothing but say, ‘Sean! You can’t give a baby hot milk!’ The rest was basically natural to you.”

Elijah moved his thimble safely to Mediterranean Avenue, a property he owned, as his cell phone rang. He reached and picked it up from the table behind him and glanced at the ID. The number was unfamiliar.

“I’m going to take this real quick,” Elijah said as he stood up and walked into the kitchen. “Hello?”

Elijah listened to the voice on the other end as if in a dream. The words floated into his ear but didn’t stick in his brain. It couldn’t be true. It just _couldn’t_.

“Mr. Wood, are you there?” the lady asked. Elijah opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He tried again, and his voice came out very rasp and broken.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Elijah hung up the phone and ran into the living room as panic settled in. He grabbed his coat and stuffed his feet into his shoes without a thought to Viggo and Sean sitting on the couch.

“Elijah, what is it?” Sean asked. Sean’s voice was like a loud crash, and Elijah snapped his head up as if he’d just been woken suddenly from a deep sleep.

“It’s Dom. We’ve got to go.” Elijah ran to the door, but Sean grabbed his arm before he darted out.

“What’s wrong with Dom?” Worry was written all over Sean’s features, and Elijah could feel his entire body starting to shake. He patted his coat pockets in search of his cigarettes just to give his hands something to do.

“He’s been in a fight. He’s in the hospital. I _have_ to get to him.” Elijah couldn’t find his cigarettes, so he starting chewing on his right index finger.

Sean turned to Viggo. “I’m going to go to the hospital with Elijah. Get the baby’s stuff together and meet me there.” Sean kissed Viggo quickly before ushering Elijah out of the door.

*

Billy and Orlando were already there when Elijah walked into the waiting room. They jumped from the cheap plastic chairs and ran over to him. Elijah searched their faces frantically for some indication of Dom’s condition, but they looked as confused and worried as him.

“Where is he? Is he okay? What happened?” Elijah rambled, words falling out of his mouth quickly. He stuck his finger back into his mouth as he waited.

“He’s fine. Some pretty fucking nasty bruises and gashes. They want to keep him for observation until morning in case there’s any internal bleeding,” Billy said, rubbing Elijah’s shoulders soothingly. “He’s asleep right now. Miranda’s in there with him.”

“She’s here?” Elijah asked. He didn’t want her there, didn’t want anyone around but Billy, Orlando, Sean, and Viggo. They were all that mattered.

“Yeah. We called her after we got here. She is his girlfriend after all,” Billy explained. Elijah nodded automatically, brain trying to figure out when he could see Dominic just to make sure he was okay. He wouldn’t be okay until Elijah saw him, heard him breathe, touched him.

“Can I see him?” Elijah mumbled, finger still in his mouth.

“We’re not family, I’m not sure the nurses are going to let us in after visiting hours, and they’re about to end.” Orlando glanced behind him at the clock.

“We’re his family. They have to know that. We’re all he’s got,” Elijah said urgently. He had to make them understand. They had to be there with Dom. Dom couldn’t be alone. What if he woke up in a strange hospital bed with no one around? Elijah knew he’d want a familiar face there when he woke up.

“Maybe we can explain it to the nurse that Dom’s relatives all live in England.” Billy walked over to the nurse’s station and Elijah sat down in one of the fading chairs. Sean and Orlando sat down on either side of him, and Elijah’s leg nervously fidgeted. He really needed a cigarette. He should have picked some up on the way to the hospital.

“He’s okay, Elijah,” Orlando said. Elijah nodded absently, counted the number of back issues of Reader’s Digest on the table in front of them. There were eight.

“We can wait in the waiting room,” Billy said as he returned from the nurse’s station. “That’s it.” He fell into the chair, defeated.

“I’ll wait,” Elijah said. They all looked at him.

“You don’t need to stay here alone tonight. We’ll just get up early in the morning to come back,” Orlando said. Elijah shook his head.

“No, I want to stay!” Elijah argued.

“How’s Dom?” Viggo asked as he entered the small waiting room, carrying Ali in his arms and a baby bag on his shoulder. Sean got up, took Ali, and pecked him on the lips.

“He’s okay. Not much we can do tonight. Miranda’s in there with him now.” Sean sat down and Viggo stood beside him. Miranda finally joined them in the waiting area.

“How is he?” Elijah jumped up as she stopped in front of them.

“Asleep. Banged up. He’ll live.” She leaned over and grabbed her purse from the chair.

“Where are you going?” Elijah asked.

“Home. I have class at eight a.m. Plus there’s no sense in me sitting around here all night worrying. He’ll wake up tomorrow and come home. They’re just holding him for observation. It’s procedure. He shouldn’t even have been admitted for the night. Doctors have to profit from every little thing. I’ll call when I get off work tomorrow.” Miranda flicked her wrist briskly as a farewell and disappeared from the waiting room.

“I can’t believe her!” Elijah boomed. He clenched his fists and glared at the empty doorway, waiting for her to return and be worried. It wasn’t fair that she was the one dating Dom, the one with the privilege to be his significant other when she didn’t give a damn that he was lying up in a hospital bed. Elijah was the one who loved him, who was worried sick, but it didn’t matter. He was just a friend. “She’s such an insensitive bitch! That’s her fucking boyfriend lying in there!”

“Calm down, Lij,” Billy said, placing a hand on his arm. Elijah took a few deep breaths, trying to get a grip on his nerves. His entire body shook from a combination of fury and worry. “No use getting upset over it.” Billy gently led Elijah out of the room and down the hall, just outside Dom’s room. Sean, Viggo, and Orlando crowded behind them as they peeked inside, getting a glimpse of Dom lying in bed, bandages on his face and arms.

“That’s it,” Elijah whispered. “I’m not leaving him here.”

“Elijah,” Orlando started.

“Let him stay,” Viggo said. They turned around to stare at him. “Someone should stay, and there is no one better than Elijah. We’ll come back in the morning to pick him and Dom up.”

“But Viggo,” Sean argued, but Viggo shook his head.

“No. Elijah should stay.” Viggo shot Sean a final look, and Sean didn’t say anymore.

Elijah secretly thanked Viggo. He was staying. No one else was, which was exactly what Elijah wanted. He didn’t want to be around anyone else right now. Just Dom.

Before they left, Orlando bought Elijah cigarettes, Sean and Viggo got him coffee and some food from the vending machines. Billy stayed with him while they were gone.

“Dom’s going to be okay,” Billy said, he and Elijah alone in the waiting room. Elijah nodded weakly.

“I know. Just. What if it was worse? He was lucky, but will he be so lucky next time?” Elijah asked, not convinced by Billy’s act. He knew Billy was as upset as he was.

“We don’t know there’ll be a next time. There can’t be a next time. He’s gonna be okay.”

“Don’t be stupid, Billy. There’s always chance for a next time. He goes into the worst neighborhoods, sells to the shadiest people. Dom doesn’t say no to anyone who wants to buy what he has, because he knows we need the money. It was only a matter of time before he got hurt.” Elijah dropped his head to his hands. “Why does he feel he has to sell drugs? It’s a fucking death wish.”

“Dom is a big boy and knows what he is doing. Most of the time.” Billy took Elijah’s chin between his fingers and lifted his face so he was looking him in the eyes. “Listen, he’s going to be okay. And like I said, maybe that wasn’t it at all.”

Elijah could tell that Billy didn’t believe that last part. And neither did he. Dom had gotten into a few minor scuffles over the years, some back in Glasgow and London, and a few since Elijah had met him. They were usually nothing, just a little shoving because some punk didn’t like what Dom had to offer or thought he’d sold them bad drugs. But now, with Dom lying in a hospital bed, Elijah couldn’t grasp how he’d ever be able to let Dom go make a sell without worrying himself to death.

After they left, Elijah paced around the waiting room. He made three trips to the vending machines to get large cups of bad coffee that tasted like hot mud, but it kept him awake and occupied for a short time.

The nurse’s shift switched while he was there and the night duty nurse, Ngila, was extremely friendly and helpful. She talked to Elijah for a little while about his band and music and promised to check out their next gig in a few weeks.

When she left to do her rounds, Elijah snuck to Dom’s door and leaned against the doorframe, straining his eyes to look inside. His eyes were tired and his vision blurry even with his glasses. Dom still slept peacefully, but Elijah felt calmer with him within his sight.

“This is the calmest I’ve seen you all night,” Ngila said behind him. Elijah jumped and spun around on his heel, face flushing from being caught.

“I’m sorry. I know I wasn’t supposed to be back here.”

“He must mean a lot to you.” Ngila motioned for Elijah to follow her. She stepped behind the nurse’s station and poured him a cup of coffee from the station’s coffee maker.

“Thank you,” Elijah said, taking the cup. “He’s everything.”

“Your boyfriend?”

“No.”

“I’m sorry. That must be hard for you.” She offered him a sympathetic smile.

“I’m used to it.” Elijah sipped the coffee gratefully. It was much better than the sludge he had gotten from the machines.

“I’ll tell you what. Since you’re just going to pace and sneak glances into Mr. Monaghan’s room all night anyway, I’ll let you stay with him. But you have to promise not to disturb him.”

“Are you serious?” Elijah’s face broke into a grin as relief washed over him. “Thank you so much!”

“You’re a nice kid, Elijah. He’s lucky to have you.” Ngila smiled at him as he turned and crossed the short distance to Dom’s room.

The room was dark and bland, oozed sterility from every corner. Dom’s bed was in the middle of the room, a table on one side of the bed, an uncomfortable looking chair on the other by the window. Elijah didn’t know why Dom was in a private room, they couldn’t afford it and drug dealers usually didn’t have good health insurance. They would be set back months just trying to pay for an hour’s worth of care in that room. Maybe someone had called Ian and he’d set Dom up in the room. Or maybe the record company, but Bean was a cheap asshole who probably wouldn’t front the money for his own mother’s hospital bill, much less Dom’s. Maybe it was Viggo, he had tons of money too. Whoever had done it, Elijah hoped they’d front the bill until they were able to repay them.

Elijah walked cautiously around the room, staying as far from the bed as possible. He was taking everything slowly, step by step because in all honesty, being alone with Dom in a hospital really freaked him out.

Finally to the chair, Elijah sat down on the edge and leaned towards Dom. He had a bandage above his right eye and on his right cheek, a few on his arms and other bruises and cuts that weren’t covered by large patches of gauze. His lip was swollen and there was a knot on the right side of his head near the bandages. He didn’t look like he was going to die any second, but he still didn’t look good.

Elijah reached over and gently touched Dom’s swollen face, felt the hot skin beneath his fingers. Dom stirred in his sleep but didn’t wake. Elijah fingered the bandages lightly and ran his hands over the bruises, wincing at the thought of the pain every time he brushed over one. The loose nightshirt Dom wore hung open slightly, and Elijah carefully unbuttoned and pushed it away, revealing more bruises and gauze covered wounds.

After buttoning the shirt again, Elijah rested his hand lightly on the side of Dom’s face, stroking his cheek softly. Dom looked so young, so vulnerable lying in a bed that was too big for him. Elijah wondered how bad it hurt and how much pain Dom would have been in if they hadn’t given him painkillers for the night.

Elijah’s entire body was full of emotion. He was worried, hurt, angry, but most of all he just felt overwhelming relief that Dom was okay. He knew that if something ever happened to Dom that he couldn’t handle it.

But he felt so helpless sitting there. There was nothing he could have done to prevent what happened, nothing he could do to stop it again. He couldn’t curl up with Dom when they were home and nurse his wounds and kiss away his pain. Hell, Dom didn’t even know he was there. Elijah might as well have been a thousand miles away from him.

And that’s how Elijah felt. Alone. And away from the only one who mattered to him.

Elijah leaned down and softly pressed his lips against Dom’s. He kept them there, just pressed against Dom’s unmoving ones, feeling the rough chapped skin against his own moist ones. In a perfect world, Elijah wouldn’t have to steal kisses while Dom slept. But judging from the state of things in Elijah’s life as of late, life definitely was not perfect.

Dom stirred again in his sleep. Elijah pulled away and watched the discomfort on his face as he shifted. Dom finally settled and Elijah sat back in the uncomfortable chair, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his heels on the edge of the seat. He placed his chin on his knees and hugged his legs to him. From this position he watched Dom sleep, his mind blank and whirring at the same time. He didn’t move, barely blinked, and eventually the pain and fear began to dull and he felt numb.

Ngila came into the room a few hours later with a fresh cup of coffee.

“You may want to move a little,” she said softly when she handed him the mug. He took it gratefully but other than that didn’t move. “He’s okay, Elijah.”

“I know. I just can’t stop thinking about him getting beat or getting hurt worse next time.” He laid his chin back on his knees, his hands holding the coffee cup atop his worn Vans. Ngila patted him lightly on the shoulder and left the room without a word.

The sun was starting to peek through the blinds when Dom’s eyes finally fluttered open. Elijah sucked his breath in as he waited. Dom blinked a few times, looked around the room, at his arms, then finally at Elijah.

“Elijah?” Dom croaked. He coughed and cleared his throat. “What are you doing here?”

“I’ve been here all night.” Elijah bit his lip to keep from crying or grinning or laughing or all three at once. Dom was awake, talking to him, and seemed okay. Elijah started shaking with relief.

Dom pushed himself up and tried to move the pillows into a different position but had trouble moving easily. Elijah got up and propped the pillows against the bed, then helped Dom into a sitting position. Elijah sat back in the chair, ignoring the dull ache in his legs and back.

“What happened last night?” Elijah asked. Dom lifted his arm and picked at the gauze covering one of the gashes.

“I got a call from a guy who wanted some pot. Standard call. We meet up at this bar, I know the owner, he’s one of my regulars, and the guy wants more than I have. I tell him I don’t sell that much to anyone, so then he wants Crystal Meth instead of pot. You know I don’t sell that shite ever, so I told him I could sell him what I did have and that was all. He didn’t like that, so he left. I went to talk to the owner for a few minutes, left out the back way like I usually do, and the fucking cunt jumped me. Had a couple of his friends with him, so I was basically fucked. I’m lucky they didn’t fucking kill me, or worse, break anything. At least I can still play my guitar.” Dom flexed his fingers a few times, lifted his arms and played a few riffs on an imaginary guitar.

“Dom, don’t fucking worry about the band. All that matters is you’re okay.”

“I’m not okay. Fucker stole my goods and my fucking cash. We’re so fucked on the rent, especially since you’re not working either.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Elijah shook his head. “We’ll figure something out. Ian or Viggo’ll help us. Or something.”

“Maybe we can prostitute Orli out,” Dom laughed. Elijah couldn’t help but giggle.

“Good to see you didn’t break your sense of humor.”

Dom laughed again and Elijah grinned widely. The night may have been the night from hell, but it was all worth it just to hear Dom laugh.

*

Elijah walked out of the bathroom toweling his hair. Dom was propped up on the couch, food and drink around him with a stack of movies waiting to be watched.

“You look like a king, being waited on hand and foot by the three of us. We’re stupid for it, really.” Elijah grabbed a slice of pizza from the box on the coffee table.

“Hey! That’s my recuperatory pizza.” Dom mock-glared at Elijah when he sat on the couch beside him.

“Recuperatory?” Elijah arched an eyebrow.

“Yes, recuperatory. As in pizza to help me recuperate.” Dom crossed his arms across his chest. “Honestly, I wish Sean and Orlando would stop treating me like I’m dying. I’m fine, just sore as fuck.”

“You scared the shit out of us. They’re just glad you’re okay.”

“I like how Billy treats me. ‘Need anything? Then go get it, arsehole.’ Tough love. My kind of man.” Dom reached towards the table for a slice of pizza but winced in pain and pulled back. He peered at Elijah from the corner of his eyes. Elijah tried to suppress a grin as he grabbed a slice and handed it to Dom. “Thanks. I could have done it myself.”

“I know.”

They ate their pizza in silence as Dom watched the end of a movie. When it was over, Elijah got up to switch videos for him.

“I never thanked you for the other night,” Dom said to Elijah’s back. Elijah shrugged as he slipped the tape into the VCR and hit play.

“No problem.” Elijah returned to the couch, grabbing a couple more pizza slices from the box as he sat down.

“No,” Dom said, placing his hand on top of Elijah’s. “Thank you.”

Elijah could feel his cheeks burning and tried not to look away. He just nodded. “You’re welcome.”

“I’m glad it was you there when I woke up.”

Dom pulled his hand away quickly. He took a pizza slice and turned back to the television.

Elijah stared at Dom for a few moment, but Dom just kept his eyes on the screen. Elijah turned away and picked thoughtfully at his pizza, small smile on his lips.

~Fin  



End file.
